Host perspectives

The emotional impact[i]

Most people we talked to expected that welcoming someone escaping war into their home would involve some emotional commitment. In our conversations this was manifested when our research participants told us how certain war-related images have impacted their decision to host; or when they said that they never ask any questions, letting their guests decide how, when and what they felt they wanted sharing. As we made progress with our research, we observed that the emotional toll of living together went beyond what could be anticipated or expected, beyond war-related experiences per se.

Stella, for instance, a woman in her early 50s together with her partner has been hosting a mother and her son. She told us that until September 2022 they have been hosting another woman, Diana, who now returned back to Ukraine as she wanted to adopt a child. Stella told us that she did not feel particular connection to Diana, it was a matter of different personalities and how they dealt with things. But Stella also shared that Diana lost a child a few months prior to the war starting, and that she felt she did not know how to deal with the loss and grievance brought into the household. While she felt unable to help Diana, this experience was really looming over, and impacting all the relationships in the household.

Additionally, Victoria, a woman in her 60s, told us that their decision to host has evoked some insecurities in their grownup children who were adopted by Victoria and her partner when they were young. It seemed that welcoming someone into their home has introduced need for some reassurances. During the arts-based workshop in the Art House Elizabeth told us that once she and Marcus were accused of racism for helping people from Ukraine but not taking in people from other – non-European – contexts.  This experience has clearly, and unsurprisingly, shook Elizabeth, who felt she rarely got opportunities to share her experiences relating to hosting. She felt that no one could really understand.

Clearly, many of the household relationships were shaped and impacted by events other than one’s experience of war (even if the war is the reason people were arriving into the UK to begin with). While this may sound way too obvious – of course what makes relationships goes beyond a single event, value or practice - it was perhaps less considered when thinking about hosting.